So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
