He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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