He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
