Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
