maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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