My liver just broke up with me...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
