Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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