I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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