Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
