there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
