weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
