Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
