I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
