I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
