I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
