all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
