Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
