I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
should my penis look like a turkey
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
