My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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