I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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