If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
