come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
