She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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