You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
