I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I had to cum in my sink.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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