I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We left the knife in your bed.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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