We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
