Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
