I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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