There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
