You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Barsexuality is the new black.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
