barbara walters just said penis...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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