dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
