im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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