i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
