I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
