I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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