I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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