In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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