Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
