He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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