are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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