i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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