No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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