I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
