My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
