Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
