No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
