I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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