put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
