I'd wear matching sweaters with you
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
