Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
