I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
