I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
