The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
